Dammit, I’ve been ripped off!

Apparently, other people have something called a soul mate and I feel I’ve been cheated. Where’s mine then, huh?  How come, in all my long years, I’ve never bumped into anything that remotely resembled a soul mate.

Maybe it’s because I’m not sure what a soul mate is? Is it anything like the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus?

Okay, I may be a tad cynical, but if there is a soul mate for everyone, mine is wandering around Tiffanys and I’m over here shuffling around WalMart (okay, I don’t really shuffle yet, but I’m sure I will be by the time he finds me).

Oh, by the way, Happy New Year.

This whole soul mate question began rankling me after watching “Crazy Stupid Love” with my kids over the holidays. One of my sons, who is now 38 years old, recommended it as one of his favorites. Now, biased mother opinions aside, he is a handsome, thoroughly masculine, hunky kinda guy with a ton of husband potential. Any guy sensitive and romantic enough to pick that movie, must have possibilities don’t you think? But he’s never met his soul mate. I have two other sons….same thing. No soul mates. Are we all delusional?

And when exactly did soul mates become a national objective? My parents never told me that a mysterious soul mate lurked in my future. It was supposed to be a knight in shining armour. Yes, I’m sure I remember that correctly. A clanking hunk on a white charger. Would have made for noisy sex, but hey, in those days you weren’t supposed to be doing it anyway. My siblings and I were all immaculate conceptions…..no rattling breastplates and crashing helmets in my parents bedroom; no need to even remove the gauntlets.

So, have I been duped? Was I watching for a white horse when my soul mate went charging by on a black stallion?

Or is the whole thing a myth propagated by the media to sell more movies and Valentine’s cards? What’s your opinion….do you still believe in the Easter Bunny? If you have met your soul mate, send me a picture.  I want some kinda proof that they exist.

Honestly, I’ve managed to have a wonderful life with no horse hockey messin’ up my yard…and I don’t have much interest in shopping at Tiffanys. But if you’re out there ‘soul mate’, and you’re not too senile to find it, drop by WalMart…I’ll be the little grey-haired lady causing a scene in the lingerie department. And hurry up, time is running out. I figure I might have twenty good years left in me, but after that you’re on your own.

 

The skeletons are out of the closet…

…and traipsing around England at the moment (click on picture for exact location).

Abbey Road Halloween

If you live in Canada, like I do, you’re probably safe for a couple more weeks. That’s when all the weirdos will come out to play…zombies, vampires, witches, and the odd (and I do mean odd) superhero. No silly,  not Saturday night on Granville Street. I’m talking super-freak night “HALLOWEEN”.

When I  grew up in the 50’s there weren’t any zombies for Halloween.  At least you didn’t see them much, they mostly kept to themselves.  I mean dead stuff mainly stayed in the cemetery were it belonged and we just didn’t spend much time there. And mom didn’t often say, “I’m just on my way to the cemetery dear, do you want anything?”

So we had boring old ghosts, and they didn’t do much except sort of float around immaterially and go “B0o”. Oooh, oooh, I’m so scared. Things are much more exciting  now with brain-eating zombies lurching around and blood-sucking vampires waiting to slurp your neck. Ahh, what a great time to be a kid. You can get the crap scared out of you and have nightmares enough to last ’til next Halloween.

And you won’t find any self-respecting youngster these days wearing a costume made from their sister’s old tutu..on no. Not when you can pick up a fake limb, including blood and mangled veins, at the local dollar store. Have you seen the Halloween goodies in the dollar store? Wow…it’s enough to make a 60-year-old woman want to trick herself up in blood-dripping wounds and hit the streets. Okay, 61, but don’t be niggly.

Just a brief word of caution:

If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language  which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save  you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several  rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak  with somebody else’s voice.

For the big night, find yourself a few other people who like to dress up in funny clothes (if your Uncle Joe fits that description, bless you, that’s family)…and have yourselves a party.

Or sit at home in the dark, hide behind the door and pretend no one’s home so you can eat all the Halloween treats yourself. No, of course I’ve never done that. I’m not some crazy old cat-lady you know.

I have been spending a lot of time in the dark but only to practice long exposure photography. You can see some new “painting with light” images on my photography website iiphotoArt including the picture in the header. And for some really unique Halloween fun, be sure to check out all the great artists at zazzle.com…see links in the sidebar.

I’ll talk to you again after things calm back down, when the skeletons are back in the closet and the bats are back in the belfry.