Dammit, I’ve been ripped off!

Apparently, other people have something called a soul mate and I feel I’ve been cheated. Where’s mine then, huh?  How come, in all my long years, I’ve never bumped into anything that remotely resembled a soul mate.

Maybe it’s because I’m not sure what a soul mate is? Is it anything like the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus?

Okay, I may be a tad cynical, but if there is a soul mate for everyone, mine is wandering around Tiffanys and I’m over here shuffling around WalMart (okay, I don’t really shuffle yet, but I’m sure I will be by the time he finds me).

Oh, by the way, Happy New Year.

This whole soul mate question began rankling me after watching “Crazy Stupid Love” with my kids over the holidays. One of my sons, who is now 38 years old, recommended it as one of his favorites. Now, biased mother opinions aside, he is a handsome, thoroughly masculine, hunky kinda guy with a ton of husband potential. Any guy sensitive and romantic enough to pick that movie, must have possibilities don’t you think? But he’s never met his soul mate. I have two other sons….same thing. No soul mates. Are we all delusional?

And when exactly did soul mates become a national objective? My parents never told me that a mysterious soul mate lurked in my future. It was supposed to be a knight in shining armour. Yes, I’m sure I remember that correctly. A clanking hunk on a white charger. Would have made for noisy sex, but hey, in those days you weren’t supposed to be doing it anyway. My siblings and I were all immaculate conceptions…..no rattling breastplates and crashing helmets in my parents bedroom; no need to even remove the gauntlets.

So, have I been duped? Was I watching for a white horse when my soul mate went charging by on a black stallion?

Or is the whole thing a myth propagated by the media to sell more movies and Valentine’s cards? What’s your opinion….do you still believe in the Easter Bunny? If you have met your soul mate, send me a picture.  I want some kinda proof that they exist.

Honestly, I’ve managed to have a wonderful life with no horse hockey messin’ up my yard…and I don’t have much interest in shopping at Tiffanys. But if you’re out there ‘soul mate’, and you’re not too senile to find it, drop by WalMart…I’ll be the little grey-haired lady causing a scene in the lingerie department. And hurry up, time is running out. I figure I might have twenty good years left in me, but after that you’re on your own.

 

Advertisements

What’s my NEWline? tee contest

iiphotoArt introduces fun new line of tshirts!

It’s called, strangely enough,

“NEWline”

Each tee features a simple graphic line drawing that is actually a  rebus puzzle depicting a word or phrase containing the word “line”. Below is an example.

NEWline 1

To see the design on a tee, click here.

………this one’s pretty obvious, but I’ll give you a minute to figure it out. The answer is at the bottom of this post (and that’s a blatant hint for you).

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to figure out what word or phrase the next three “NEWline” tees depict.

NEWline 2

To see the design on a tee, click here.

NEWline 3

To see the design on a tee, click here.

NEWline 4

To see the design on a tee, click here.

The contest begins NOW and runs until midnight Dec.31/11.
Everyone who sends in correct answers for lines 2,3 and 4 before the deadline will be entered in a draw to win a “NEWline” tee with the design of their choice.
The best part is, there will be lots to choose from. Every day  from now through December 31, another “NEWline” tee will be added to the iiphotoART zazzle website.

These first four tees are available beginning today at iiphotoART. Visit every day to find out what the next “NEWline” will be. Just to keep it interesting, the answers to each “NEWline” will not be shown anywhere except here on this blog. That means if you like a challenge, you can buy your tee and have as much time as you want to figure it out yourself before cheating!

The rules are simple:

  1. anyone can enter (except my immediate family, so forget it you guys)
  2. you may submit only one entry per email address
  3. the winner must answer all three lines correctly
  4. entry must be received before midnight Dec.31/11
  5. there will be one winner chosen by a draw from all the winning entries
  6.  the winner will receive one tshirt, in the style and design of their choice taken from the iiphotoArt NEWline Zazzle collection

So, that’s it. Fill out your answers in the form below and good luck! Winners will be announced here and at iiphotoART by January 15, 2012.

Oh yeah, for all those who are linearly challenged, the answer to NEWline 1 is ……… “bottom line” (they’re not all this easy).

The answer list can be viewed by clicking on the link at top. I’ll add the next answer every day after the daily NEWline tee has been added to zazzle.  Lines 2, 3, and 4 will not be revealed until the new year.

Is there an elephant in the room?

I was trying to decide on a topic for my next blog, and the word ‘elephant’ popped into my head. That’s just so totally random….and now there’s this big friggin’ elephant in the room.

Honestly, I tried to ignore it, but how do you ignore a seven-ton animal (that poops) in a two bedroom apartment? Go to the other room?
Might as well write the damn blog about elephants and get on with it.

Hey, think about this…how great would it be to be able to stick your nose in your mouth and smell your own breath? Okay, maybe not so great…but now that I think about it, elephants might have several advantages in the dating game.

For instance, they’ve got that yucky-green-stuff-in-the-teeth problem licked…no front teeth. And there’s none of that weight discrimination thing happening when everyone at the club is in the six-seven ton range. Have you always been self-conscious about your ears flapping in the wind?….mine are now looking rather dainty compared to dumbo’s. Even my wrinkly knees suddenly look kind of appealing.
Elephants do have their own set of problems I’m sure, for instance how often does your date put his nose in your plate and help himself to some of your french fries? (if you answered “all the time”, it’s time to have a relisten to “50 ways to leave your lover”).

And imagine if you accidentally sneezed while your nose was in your mouth?..you could blow the top of your head off. I don’t even want to contemplate the amount of snot a snozzola that size must produce.

But if size really does matter….weeeelllll hang on to your hat, we’re going to Georgia! (I have no idea what that means, but it sounded good).

Alrighty, I feel better now. The elephant in the room has been exorcized. I do feel obliged to tell at least one elephant joke before I go. Have you got a favorite? Remember this one?
How do you kill a blue elephant?
Shoot him with a blue elephant gun (insert groan here)
How do you kill a red elephant?
.. wait for it, wait for it….you choke him ’til he turns blue
and kill him with a blue elephant gun.

And here are a couple of the things I’ve been designing in the art department this week: (absolutely nothing to do with elephants, I’m over it) Click on the picture to go to my zazzle website.
I love these “Crazy About Polkadot” sneakers:

And this design called “Hot Metal” is available on business cards, greeting cards, mugs and more.

My photo website has been sadly ignored for a couple of weeks….taken lots of new photos but haven’t uploaded any yet. But there’s still lots of good stuff on there, so here’s the link: iiphotoArt

Some random thoughts on creativity.

Someone recently told me that I was very creative. At the time, I said a polite thank you, but walked away thinking “Who me? They obviously don’t know what the heck they’re talking about” (okay, to be honest, I probably said “hell”, but that’s a discussion for a whole other blog).
Anyway, my point is, someone like a Jonathon Winters or a Robin Williams who can ramble off a myriad of random thoughts spontaneously; that’s a creative mind…but it’s certainly not me.
I have to work at it. Hell (oops, that one slipped out) I don’t even have fantasies because it’s too much work. What I create doesn’t just drop into my head from the cosmos fully-formed, I have to struggle with it for a while before it takes shape.
So I mentioned all this to my son (not the fantasies part, that’s TMI). His take on it really made me re-evaluate my self-perception. Basically his response was: ‘What you’re talking about is divine intervention, not creativity. Of course you have to work at it! It wouldn’t be any fun if it was all just handed to you.”
Wow…just like that….I ‘m an artist. A struggling artist. Halleluya!
So here are a couple of the babies I created this week (with more pain than any childbirth I ever suffered, I might add). They’re from a new line of products I call IMH™ (In My Heart).
For some reason all those popular I ♥ signs you see everywhere bug me…forgive my literal brain, but when I see that cute little ♥ symbol, I automatically translate that as “heart”, not “love”. Anyway, another problem solved. Now I have everything I love, right where it belongs…inside my heart.

These, and lots more on my zazzle site at iiphotoArt
Maybe I am creative….(I’ll have to struggle with that concept for a while).
And I do have random thoughts (there goes one now) but I just can’t vocalize them like Robin Williams. Maybe what I really need is a good speech therapist. Anyone got a referral?